Days and Nights of Thoughts, Days and Nights of Curiosity — The Daily

In a rare long-form post, Rosy shares recent life updates as she continues to battle depression. The post on Jan. 29, 2025, marks her first post in the Year of the Snake. Through the 2,295 words, she addresses the hateful terms she was labeled with: “a medical miracle,” “sadfishing,” and “just another marketing play.”

Happy new year, everyone.

Happy new year, 2025.

A small note to start: The hair color I’ve wanted for 10 years! Finally!

I used to think, “A few words aren’t enough, but saying too much ruins everything,” so I just didn’t say anything. Now, I deeply regret not keeping daily records of the details — I’ve even forgotten how I felt when choosing emojis for posts. Later, as aphasia set in alongside the reading difficulties, I started a small diary, but only I could understand it. But through this process, I rediscovered my love for rambling thoughts, and even learned to use punctuation!

I’ll share the details little by little. If I say too much, it’s me “fishing for pity.” But if I don’t say anything, then I become a “medical miracle.” Either way, the outcome is the same, so we serve our emotions first — I’ll speak when I feel like it.

Being able to share different perspectives and attitudes — without spreading falsehoods or slander — while protecting my own interests and emotions: That’s how I use words to share and release the feelings that have been inside of me for some time. What matters most is when emotions are truly felt by others.

Now that I have accepted the situation, I want to show some of the positives during my treatment and recovery. But I realize that, in doing so, I’ve unintentionally ignored the discomfort some fellow patients feel, and I am sorry for that. But please, rest assured that I am definitely not cured. Depression is a long-term battle — it doesn’t mean it’s an indefinite one. If we try a little harder, maybe the long term can become shorter. Let’s try.

Why not treat depression as a friend who’s collecting debt from you? You don’t have the right to make it disappear unless you pay off your debt. I believe the focus shouldn’t be when I’ll recover, but on how to actively treat it.

Endorphins and Serotonin

At first, the fear of the unknown made me want to understand the disease at its core. I read books on psychology and learned from fellow patients who kindly shared their experiences. What I’ve found most effective for my recovery so far can be summarized into two actions: creating endorphins and stimulating serotonin.

Sweet foods have always given me an instant serotonin boost, bringing a short burst of happiness. And creating endorphins is my long-term approach to healing. I’m not sure if this is right — just sharing my personal experience here.

We have a group chat, named “get well now.” The chat was created on Dec. 21, 2024. At first, my friends secretly came to check on me and used the chat to communicate. It later evolved into a space for sharing jokes, recovery tips and some ugly memes, photos and videos!

They recorded my progress, and no matter where they are, they cheered me on for every small improvement. I used to feel completely useless — I would say to myself: “What is the point of being kind to others? It always ends up hurting me.” But because of the records my friends were keeping, and because of this geniune love, I started to validate my past kindness and my efforts to recover. This stopped my negative thoughts from spiraling out of control and made me more willing to actively seek treatment.

I even found my own ways, outside of books, to create endorphins. And naturally, I rediscovered what it feels like to be happy again: a stable kind of happiness.

The Reward System

Similar to the approach above, I am creating a reward system for myself: For every difficult, painful, long, or seemingly impossible task I complete, I get a reward. So anything can become motivation for earning that rewards — including fighting this illness.

Reward = endorphins = happiness. So now, I am no longer anxious about having anxiety.

Then on New Year’s Eve, we renamed our chat from “get well now” to “getting better slowly.” My symptoms and overall state of mind have imprvoed tremendously. Without a doubt, this is the best New Year’s gift I could give to the people who love me.

And thank you fro calling me brave. I don’t think I’m brave — I just emphatize easily.

People used to say this was a sign of being “overly sensitive” or having a “savior complex,” and I hated this inexplicable empathy. But now, through the messages pouring in from my screen, I see so many words unspoken — so many silent embraces. They’ve shown me the power of empathy.

Regardless of identity, experience or circumstances, benign able to stand in someone else’s shoes, even just for a moment, is a gift. Or maybe a flaw.

After all, neurological differences exist, so whether a person has this trait or not is neither good nor bad. It just is. So if someone lacks empathy, it’s really not a big deal.

Now, I can appreciate and cherish my ability to empathize. This is the best gift 2025 has given me.

Even now, I still record videos and take pictures. I need to see myself trying every day. So whether people call it marketing or whatnot, or any other label they come up with, I can accept it.

After all, I’m a “medical miracle,” right? So even if just one person understands what I’m trying to express, if it sparks even one new hope, one ounce of motivation — then my endorphins will be triggered again.

So my happiness — thank you for that.

And my recovery — I have you to thank for that, too.

On Marketing

“So this is just marketing, huh?” Yes, exactly.

Because only through this kind of marketing and promotion can we change the misconceptions about depression. When people stop viewing it through a distored lens, more voices of understanding and support will then emerge. We’ll gain the confidence to face ignorance and prejudice. More empathetic individduals, companies and organizations will step up to protect the vulnerable groups.

Depression needs positive marketing. People with depression need protection and proper treatment.

Everything I do, including this entire “marketing campaign,” is to make people understand the severity of the illness. People with depression suffer just like those with physical illnesses. People need to understand that the suffering is painful, and it’s not just “whining.”

And marketing can fulfill the needs, but it can also create an awareness of needs. Because of this, I gaiend time for treatment. And my experience has helped bring more attention to mental health issues. That’s the value of postiive marketing.

So when does “marketing” become a dirty word? When it benefits a competitor. When it’s used in the entertainment industry.

The science of marketing has its place (if what I’m doing counts as marketing… oh no, I’m unworthy. Just a half-baked marketing novice here.)

Love is love — its essence does not change, only its presence among crowds does.

A few final words for 2025’s first daily update: While searching for happiness, also learn to cherish your negative emotions. If you still have the energy to feel “angry,” that’s actually a good sign. Don’t fear it, and don’t feel guilty. Depression is the supression of long-standing negative emotions.

That supression affects everything — your limbs, skin, senses, muscles, brain, heart… Everything falls out of your control. You may become agitated or sluggish; feel pain or numbness; lose speech, or even vision; experience paralysis or mania.

At first, I didn’t believe it either. Before my diagnosis, I did MRI scans, blood tests, and neurological exams—to rule out physical or allergy-induced causes.

And then I realized — Before the word “negative” even existed, this was simply part of normal human emotion. Positive or negative, emotions deserve to be understood and accepted. That is the only true way to love yourself.v

Because, as I said before: "When emotions are truly felt by others, that’s what matters most."

Believe in yourself.

Believe that pain will spill over into endorphins.

Believe that between the cracks of life, light will spill through.